Naomi Campbell Does Not Wear Panties During the Summertime

Isn't she adorable?

Naomi Campbell, British fashion model and physically abusive snap-show, does not wear panties during the summertime.  This is a well documented fact.  She probably doesn’t wear underwear on warmer days during the winter, but this has never been scientifically proven.  So why isn’t the internet flooded with camera-phone pictures of her axe-wound?

First, she is a well-respected, successful fashion model.  In a time where Black models were only used for exploitation or to make a fashion line seem more “diverse”, she had tremendous success in both runway and magazine modeling.  It has been said that Campbell paved the way for most African models of the 80’s, and created the tidal-wave of Black female supermodels in the 90’s.  She changed the way people in the fashion industry marketed their products, and was a role model for African-British women for a decade.

People don’t want to mess with powerful, successful people.  They want to work with them, even if they are fashion divas, and most likely have a prissy demeanor.  Naomi Campbell is serious business.  I would be extremely nervous if I ever met her, not because of her towering stature and incredible abs, but because she exudes success.  She has no time for people who are worthless and ugly (see: me).  The general public respects and admires her, so they refrain from sneaking up-skirt photos of her, even though they know that they could get a beautiful shot of her clam.

Second, she is as crazy as a shit-house rat.  Being a supermodel in the 90’s meant 2 things:  young boys drooling over your bikini photos in Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue, and cocaine.  All that nose candy will give you a beautiful figure, since your body will no longer crave food, but it will also drive you completely mad.  Campbell held it together fairly well, but started to lose it when her career was waning.  Unfortunately, you only really get a decade of being a top supermodel, then other younger girls will step up to take your place, your money, and your cocaine.

Campbell was still landing modeling contracts in the 2000’s, but was definitely slowing down, just as her cocaine addiction was ramping up.  She needed to find a way to increase her income, while simultaneously expressing her anger towards the world that was moving past her and finding younger, more attractive bikini models.  She chose to start beating the shit out of her personal assistants.  How she thought this would increase her income, we will never know.

She even thinks it's funny!

The beatings began with simple slaps and punches (not to mention verbal abuse, but that’s a really ambiguous type of abuse, as I verbally abuse my penis nearly every night when it doesn’t do what I want it to), but escalated to her bashing her housekeeper with her cell-phone, causing injuries that required several stitches.

This is where her craziness crossed the line.  Before, people thought, “sure, I can take a few slaps from Naomi, as long as I get to be in her presence.”  But after that incident, people realized that it would be best to avoid Campbell at all costs, and not even attempt to grab a cell-phone pic of her snatch, for fear of her taking the phone and bludgeoning the fuck out of your head with it.

The lesson here is fairly obvious:  If you want a picture of Naomi Campbell’s pussy, just Google it.  You can find it without bloodshed and assault charges.

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