I enjoy camping. It is one of the most manly activities there is, other than banging chicks and killing animals. But I don’t really like doing that. Killing animals. I LOVE banging chicks.
I love banging chicks so much, that I would even do it while I was camping, given the chance. I have no problem with getting naked and doing the nasty in a tent, or even outdoors if the weather was nice enough. I would prefer to do it at night, or in a completely secluded area; for the ladies comfort of course. I actually enjoy being nude outdoors, as I am right now. I was able to set up my PC outside on a desk I fashioned from parts of a 1969 Pontiac Parisienne that used to belong to my Great-Uncle. He was a good man, but had a thing for large, unreliable cars prone to expensive mechanical problems. Many of them ended up in my yard, rusting to pieces, filled with mouse shit and corpses. Mouse corpses, not people.
So I will generally blog outside, in my birthday suit, enjoying the sunshine and awkward stares from my neighbours. It’s not as if they have to look. I sometimes feel like they’re being a little too nosy when they just gawk from their cars as they drive by. Sometimes I even think they tell other people that I’m sitting naked on my computer, because it seems like a lot more people cruise by my house when I’m naked as opposed to when I’m not. A lot more school buses too.
Camping is a very enjoyable activity. It’s similar to sitting naked in your yard, except generally you’re not naked, since there are quite a few other people in the adjacent campsites. You can partake in many varying activities while camping, such as:
- Making campfires
- Tending to campfires
- Collecting wood for campfires
- Cooking on campfires
- Urinating in campfires
Of all these activities, drinking is probably my favourite. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a campfire as much as anyone, but they are kind of a hassle. You have to make sure that they don’t burn out, and that they don’t burn too high and light the trees on fire. They require as much attention as a small child, and you can’t even yell at them or slap them when they do something wrong.
Drinking is a great camping activity, as it can aid in your fire tending skills, by making you less fearful of getting burned when putting more wood on the fire. Drinking also helps in your tent raising skills, by reducing how much you care about the appearance of your tent. One camping trip, I set up my tent before I even started drinking (rookie mistake), and it took me 2-and-a-half hours to set it up, and get all the corners and lines staked properly. I also took time thinking about which direction the door should be facing for maximum utility. Maximum utility!? I’ve never said that in my life! It sounds like some bullshit a salesman down at the GMC dealership would sling to me. Which he probably did.
Anyway, if you are drunk enough when you set up your tent, you won’t give a damn how it looks or how it is positioned. All you will care about is if it functions as a place where you can sleep for the night. I would recommend having 7 or 8 beers before attempting tent set-up, as those poles and lines will likely be very tangled and broken from your last camping trip. If they are damaged beyond all recognition, you can just sleep on the ground and drape the tent over yourself for the night. I’ve done it many times.
This ends Part 1 of this post, as I still have many more important camping tips to discuss, and I like to keep the posts short. Part 2 will come in the next 3 days, as I am taking the weekend off. To go camping!